Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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