So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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