If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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