Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
