remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
