I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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