i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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