I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
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After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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