i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
