dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
