Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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