Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
