My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
