i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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