Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
