What did we do last night that was yellow?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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