Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
