I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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