Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
