I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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