in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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