I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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