got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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