Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
