Don't make out with my wife yet
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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