I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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