Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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