I accidentally had phone sex last night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just sent this text using only my big toe
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
