Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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