ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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