i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
