How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
