Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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