How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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