Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
