I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
