Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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