Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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