You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
