We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
