Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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