I'm so fucking centered right now
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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