Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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