Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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