I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
