Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
