Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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