He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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