he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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