the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
