chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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