So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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