saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
