Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Holy shit dude........stairs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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