I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
