He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
