I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
