i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I had your ass I would rule the world
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
