So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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