I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
