Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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