I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
