even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
