I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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