i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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