I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
