I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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