I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
