Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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